During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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