My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize