conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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