I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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