He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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