he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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