girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
