Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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