Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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