i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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