I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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