I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found your dick twin last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
