FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
