All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
not ubering you a puppy
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I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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