A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
