I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
