I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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