god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
