yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
