a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
