I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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