Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
