I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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