its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
