there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
