he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
