dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
