Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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