We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pants are for mortals
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
