Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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