So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
farters have to be the big spoon...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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