bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
