Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
