Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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