I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
