Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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