I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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