Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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