We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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