I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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