you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
