smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As shirtless as possible
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
