I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
