my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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