3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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