Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
