it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
