I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
