Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
