why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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