i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
