We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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