I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
