i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
