dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
