I bet he comes in French.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
