last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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