I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Randomize
