Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
