oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
