Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize