eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
