you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
