If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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