Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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