Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
