textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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