Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
