he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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