"it" just moved
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
