just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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