girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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